Touched by Nurgle

Grandfather Nurgle has bestowed me with a blessing. A cheeky little infection known colloquially as "Covid". So far this has manifested in vanishingly few pustules, carnivorous corpses flies, etc. Instead it's been a somewhat banal mix of symptooms. A remarkably high fever, some achiness, minor coughing, and malaise. As much as I appreciate the Plague Lord's thoughtful gift, I am pleased that the few friends and family I've recently encountered have not also received his largesse. I want all those Chaos super powers for myself!

 (Side note, the woman in front of me on the plane, and the man behind, who both spent the whole flight coughing with their MOUTHS UNCOVERED, can DIAF. Even absent a global pandemic, it was once generally considered impolite to spew one's personal viral biome unimpeded into the lungs of innocent bystanders. Now, for many, it's a badge of honor to be inconsiderate dickholes.)

Whilst laboring under the delirium of the aforementioned fever, I once again considered how and if I should attempt to assemble another army. Jeff kindly offered to return Hive Fleet Insomnia to its original home (mine), even going so far as to hint that some of the gaunts and gants might be assembled, if that would serve as enticement for me to paint them. Chris likewise spent much time extolling the various quick painting methods that would produce a serviceable army. I was coyly non-committal, of course.

I remain resolved that, if I were to create another army, it will be done so with the finest of home artisanal manufacturing methods (i.e., 3D printed). The problem remains one of 3D models, and my lack thereof. Various researches into the bowels of YouTube and Google have hinted at rich troves of such models, on Patreon perhaps, but I have not yet unlocked the secrets of such sources.

All this is to say, that despite the urgings of my fever-borne insanity, I'm no closer to an army than I was 15 years ago. 

P.S. Someone should really have made a 3D model/print file format called STC, because, come on... There are few more obvious gimmes in the universe.

Hive Fleet Insomnia has Awakened(?)!

Space friends! Avid readers amongst you may have noticed a small gap since my last update. Rest assured, Hive Fleet Insomnia still exists. I never did finish even as much as de-spruing all the little rascals, but nonetheless, I ensured that they all ended up in a new and loving home where, one expects, they have likely been assembled and painted. Or they may have all died in the pandemic ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Only my friend Jeff could say.

Still, that doesn't mean my interest in Warhammer 40k has waned. I've been intrigued by the return of the Dark Angels primarch in the recent lore. And there's a new version of the game dropping soon. That said, I'm unlikely to attempt buying and assembling another army. Far more likely is that I would 3D print another army. 

Of course, there are many open questions regarding such an endeavor. Where will I get the 3D models? Will I customize them myself, with my extremely rudimentary Blender skills? That's really only two open questions. However, I still feel they provide a rich and nourishing environment for the level of procrastination that my readers have come to expect and, I hope, appreciate.

Hive Fleet Kidnap

Well, at last Chris has done it. His weeks of persistent effort in trying to find a time when I'll be at home and awake payed off and now... now Chris has taken nearly all of my assembled Tyranids. To paint them. Perhaps to cuddle them. I don't know. He even took my spore mines and rippers!

I say 'nearly' because the one model he did not take was my biovore. He has a thing against biovores. I don't hold this against him. I dislike termagants, for example. It is odd that he took my spore mines and not my biovore, though. I guess my biovore will have to be played in his current, stylishly black, form.

Occasionally, Chris sends me colorful, yet blurry, photos of my Tyranids in their bondage. I hope they are not in too much distress. Perhaps if I assemble the rest of my Hormagaunts, and perhaps some Warriors, they will be enough to mount a rescue mission, or maybe a prisoner exchange.

P.S. Where have I been, you ask? I don't really know. I can't account for my time over the past month very well. I suppose I could make something up, but probably I've just been playing guitar, video games, and reading. I may have done some walking, since the weather was absurdly fair for February. I have to say that I am wary of walking around in the Spring, since the weather and I have historically had an adversarial relationship. This year though, so far so good.

No Rain

Friends! I hope you have not missed me too terribly. The more observant among you may have noticed that I secretly incremented the Gaunt Count at some time in the past. Yes, the 4 Termagants which had languished in carefully sorted piles for so long on my table have now been assembled! They have been assembled shoddily. As the 'cement' was drying, I couldn't help but notice that I hadn't exactly cleaned away much, if any, flash. Well, that's what they get for being Termagants. They are flashy in much the same way as my ping pong playing.

I hope you all had a lovely holiday. I will vague about which holiday in particular I mean. It could be Valentine's Day, which I have on good authority was in the recent past. Or I could mean President's Day, which I know with near certainty was yesterday. Take your pick! I will even allow that you may have had a wonderful Valentine's Day and President's Day.

As you may know, I have been very busy with all this slacking off. Yesterday I left work early (I worked even though it was a holiday, of sorts). The problem with being at work was that my office has a window through which I could discern a sunny day outside. I have been fiending to walk around in nice weather (i.e. without being rained upon) for some time. As it turns out, Sunday was a sunny. I took the opportunity to walk. Also as it turns out, it was chilly and my face became numb. President's Day was less so. I was neither chilled nor rained upon during my walk.

Have I mentioned before that I'm lazy? I just noted how busily I have been slacking off. And yet to many walking doesn't sound particularly lazy. Here's the skinny. I am selectively lazy. My slothfulness does not extend to walking. I have often walked two miles to get a Double Tall Mocha from the local coffee establishment (the distance from my home to this coffee establishment is approximately two miles). This intrinsically includes a return journey, also by way of walking. On very rare occassions, a friend or neighbor will spot me tramping along and offer me a lift home. I reckon that the incidence rate of these rides is less than two per centum. Only twice have I refused such a ride, since I feel it would be rude (even though I almost always prefer to walk).

I will just end with the note that I have been completely failing to play Warhammer, mostly because I have been in a somewhat un-social mood. This has been distressing for Chris who has been frantically trying to paint my Tyranids. Of course he is unable to do this because I have physical possession of my Tyranids and he does not. Perhaps one day soon I will emerge, crab-like, from my un-social shell. Until then my isolation is impenetrable and cannot be pierc'd with Instant Messages, telephone calls, or electronic mail, aha!

P.S. One other thing of note. I was visited by beer gnomes some time late Saturday night or early Sunday morning. When I stepped out Sunday, I found a lone, unlabled bottle of beer upon my door mat. This beer is now reposing in my refrigerator. Thank you beer gnomes for your gift! I will continue to grow hops and do good deeds.

P.P.S. It now occurs to me that the reason those 4 Termagants languished for so long was that, after de-spruing them, I felt a revulsion to the idea of removing the flash. After waiting long enough, I conveniently forgot that I had failed to remove the flash. This, coupled with bad lighting, eventually resulted in a set of flashily assembled Termagants.

I Had A Better Weekend Than You

I'm not talking about the Super Bowl (which I didn't even watch, although it turns out I was disappointed yet again by the Patriots, so perhaps it was for the best). Instead I went Friday night to a Sky Cries Mary show in Seattle. However, before that, my friends and I ended up going to a party. Some amount of drinking was done along with other recreational endeavours. We returned to the venue of the show where the opening band basically rocked. After the show, we went back to the party. Suffice to say, I didn't get to sleep until 2 in the afternoon the next day. At some point Saturday morning, Chris called to see if I wanted to get together to do some assembly, painting, or some combination thereof. I had to inform him that this would not be happening as I was still in Seattle and had not slept.

That is not to say that Warhammer went completely neglected! For most of the night, granted, it was completely forgotten. However, when I got home, I did carefully explain to a friend about the drawbacks of Testors. I also attempted to illustrate (I think unsuccessfully) how I intended to convert a Carnifex into a DakkaFex. I showed him, also, the carefully laid out piles of Termagants which have yet to still be assembled. So, as you can see, Warhammer got its due, even though in a completely unproductive way. The fact is that the sad, sad Termagants remain unassembled.

P.S. Thanks to DD for the hospitality and excellent evening, and also, the book recommendations. Also, apologies for keeping you up until 7 in the morning.

Human Hours in January

I am slowly approaching human hours of wakefulness again. This means that I'll be able to stay awake past 6 p.m. soon and again participate in various social endeavors. This is just a note to those who wonder into which hole I may have fallen and when I might be expected to clamber back out of it.

Being awake during the day, however, does not mean that I'll be more motivated to put more Termagants together. I managed to demonstrate this the other day by de-spruing four more, carefully laying them out in divided piles of plastic pieces, and then abandoning them. I may have scraped some flash from a limb or two. I may not have. I suspect when I look at them again, the evidence will be inconclusive.

Also, I have decided that I do not enjoy January. I wouldn't necessarily say that it is my least favorite month, but it is certainly in contention for the title. Why would this be? Of course I am willing to inform you.

First, January in the Northern Hemisphere is mostly cold. This has to do with a lot of things like orbital axes and such. I won't bore you with the details. Just believe me when I tell you that January in the Northern Hemisphere means winter. I dislike winter and have ever since I started working and driving. Mainly, I think winter is for children. If I lived in an area where we really got a lot of snow, maybe it would be more fun. Then I could build snow forts (or more likely, think about building snow forts without ever building them). I could throw snow projectiles at passers by, probably mostly children.

One of the nice things about January is that it is directly after December. This does have an awesomeness factor of making it as far from the next holiday season as it is possible to be. On the other hand, I like to sing "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch," especially the verse about the seasick crocodile. The only time I have a good excuse to do this is around the holidays. Once January comes along, I just become a weirdo singing a Christmas song out of season. I suppose, the respite from the holidays on balance equals out the excuse for singing Grinchy songs, but I like to focus on the negatives.

I own one of these. I think you are not surprised.

P.S. If I glue their adrenal glands to their chests, does that make them Pamagants?

P.P.S. I wonder if I'm the only person who has a least favorite and most favorite month. I spend a lot of time thinking about my favorites. Not just the usual things like movies and bands, but also stuff like favorite months (October), barristas, and Hormagaunt heads.

Testors v. Super Glue

Dear readers, you may have noted my mention of Super Glue or lack thereof. I have been known to complain about Testors Cement for Plastic Models. For the benefit of posterity, I will explain myself.

For the record, I prefer Super Glue, or really any cyanoacrylate adhesive. I have many reasons for my preference of Super Glue over Testors. I will now proceed to explain all of them in chilling detail. Some of these reasons will be petty. So be it.

I'm sure Testors Cement for Plastic Models (hereafter 'Testors') is a fine substance for people with actual skill in modeling. I am not numbered among those people. Under certain rare conditions, I can successfully use Testors. Mainly, this comes down to what I think of as my 'twitch factor'. To say that my hands are unsteady is an understatement. Suffice to say that if you are in need of stitches and I am the only person available to do the deed, you should seriously consider running away and bleeding to death. Sometimes my twitch factor is only 'shaky', but more often it is in the range of 'modeling disaster'.

Next, as Agent Smith would say, it's the smell! The instructions, which I have read completely, do strongly suggest working in a well ventilated area. Even so, whenever I use the stuff, I can feel those wretched 'cement' molecules cozening up to my brain cells to deprive them of any cognitive function. Like many people, I enjoy the sweet, sweet aroma of hydrocarbons wafting through the air. However, I also treasure my brain cells (I keep them locked safely in my skull). I'm sure there's some evolutionary reason why we like this smell. I'm also sure that we wouldn't exist as a species capable of playing Warhammer if Homo Erectus had spent any significant portion of his time huffing glue.

Next! Super Glue works on both plastic and metal models. Indeed, in the case of the Hive Tyrant, it can work its magic on both at once! That one was easy.

Also, Super Glue can be undone. Some may say this is not a benefit. Some are fools. What it comes down to is this. Testors actually melts the plastic of the two pieces together. That's awesome! Except when one's spastic fingers get glue all over the model. This has the effect of melting one's finger prints into the model. Maybe there are some biomorphs that can be represented by finger prints, but in general this is not desirable.

Finally. Testors Cement for Plastic Models. Cement. Really? The most widely recognized identifier of true cement is the ability to write one's initials in it while wet. I challenge you to write your initials in a puddle of wet Testors. Not cement! The very lying name of their product offends me.

P.S. Certain strict punctionalists may have been offended by the lack of apostrophe in Testors. I share this sentiment, but there is a very good Reason for it! I too wanted to add an apostrophe (e.g. Testor's) to indicate the possessive. But then I looked at my tube of 'cement'. It lacked an apostrophe. Many people would have left it at a that. As it turns out, I am not many people. As such, I went to the Testor Corporation web site. Even with the ultimate power of direct control over the print on their 'cement' tubes and their web site, the Testor Corporation does not include an apostrophe.

For whatever reason, Testors hates the English language and its rules of punctuation. This is outside my control, and so I must write 'Testors', though it galls me, in order to avoid confusing my readers.

P.P.S. Note to time travelers. Please do not leave tubes of Testors near any Homo Erectus you may encounter.